On Being Seen Before Being Heard
Exclamation marks, gender parity, and the unequal burden of interpretation
Exclamation marks.
I spend an inordinate amount of time wondering whether I have too many or too few in my emails. Actually, not just emails - any written communication. Sometimes I use them to soften what I’m saying. Sometimes because I want to seem approachable. The more senior I’ve become, the more I’ve noticed myself reaching for them - almost as an apology that I am asking for something or feeding back that what I got wasn’t exactly what I was after(!).
So when the Financial Times1 reported on a recent study on the use of exclamation marks in professional emails, I immediately read it. Unsurprisingly, it found that women use them three times more than men. The researchers suggest this reflects a broader norm: exclamation marks signal warmth in written communication, and women are expected to signal that warmth more.
The reassuring takeaway was that this doesn’t make us seem less competent. It may make us appear warmer and more likeable.
But when I actually went on to read the study2 that sat behind the headline, there was one small detail that didn’t get as much attention: those who use more exclamation marks are perceived as less analytical.
The FT more or less brushed it aside - suggesting it might only matter in certain professions such as banking and law. As if analysis were a niche skill rather than a core intellectual one.
I couldn’t work out why the broader coverage felt vaguely celebratory.
Not less competent! More likeable!
Why did that feel like good news?
If I’m honest, the way I agonise over whether an exclamation mark is just the right amount of friendliness is the same way I agonise over what I am wearing, what tone I am using, whether I am coming across as confident enough. Thinking about that small grammatical choice in the context of this study made me realise how much of my professional life is spent anticipating how I’m interpreted.
If one piece of punctuation can change the perception of how analytical I am, then who decided what analytical needs to sound like in the first place?
The rest of this essay is for members of the Studio - readers who are building their intellectual life with intention.
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